GutFuck?

How to hide in plain sight (And steal things right under 
peoples nose)

Alright, so we know stealing is wrong, but hiding isn’t. And if you’re good at hiding, you’re probably good at stealing things, too.
Here’s how to do both.
On my way home one day I saw three confident -hobos- men dressed in jumpsuits from a city cleaner corporation. They were casually sawing off bike locks from a few bikes. Now here in town we trust each other… most of people trust one another… So what went through everyone’s minds were probably “Oh, they’re finally removing those old bikes someone left there years ago”. Because that’s how stupid they are and how faithful in their surroundings they’ve become while living in a clean dumpster.
Well, everything went on just fine for the three -hobos- men UNTIL!

UNTIL!

The owner of one of the bikes came rushing out screaming to them in a language I can only call “Idiocy”. (Because that’s what we speak here) That’s when people started realizing that the men were NOT workers with the city cleaning department, but actually thieves who had gotten hold of a saw and some confidence.
That’s all you need!
As long as you look professional, you can take EVERYTHING you would want. A splendid example is this guy who apparently “Worked” at the Bristol Zoo parking lot taking parking fees from unsuspecting visitors. Now, the Zoo was all with it since public parking lots do require a parking attendant like this… just go read the story, I’m not explaining more.
So anyways, this guy was as brilliant as the three -hobos- men who stole bikes in plain sight. What smarter thing is there to do, really? As long as you have the confidence and look proffessional, you can do whatever you want.
And I mean it. 

I could go in to IKEA with the typical IKEA clothes and people wouldn’t be the wiser that I’m actually just a thief. So there I could go “Clearing the storage”. And since IKEA warehouses are huge the personnell often work in groups, so the workers wouldn’t think much of it either. So there I am, knowing that I’m not stealing, just lightening their hands up a bit, and I can go on my merry way in life without anyone suspecting anything.

Unless the mannager comes.

Then I’d be in trouble.

Another way to hide in plain sight is to simply not look suspicious. If you’ve done something criminal and you’re on a wanted list, a very simple thing who fool people is to color and/or cut your hair. Why does this work? There are several reasons.
Depending on where in the world you are, people look at different parts of you to recognize you. In Asia, apparently they stare at your nose, while in the western world they look at your eyes, but what we all have in common is that we judge your hair. I had ridiculously long, blonde hair once. I cut half of it off and colored it black, NO one… I mean NO ONE recognized me until I told them it was ME. 
Why is it like this? Well, first reason is that human kind is an awfully judgmental race. The other is that if you are metro sexist, hair is one of the most important things to lay your eyes on, if a person can’t take care of their hair, then they’re nothing to have, right? That IS how most people think, no matter you want to realize it or not, a good hairstyle is almost vital for the partner selection.
It’s like with how well groomed birds are. Birds tend to chose the loudest and most well groomed partner since that shows they can take care of themselves. Cats and even deer do the same.
The bigger and more complex a deer’s horn are, the more attractive. (And on a side note knowing that, SIZE MATTERS)
Now that you’ve got a new hairstyle and perhaps a new hair color, it’s time for something radical.
If you want to be sure you’re hiding in plain sight. Just look as normal as possible.
Not too normal though, because that becomes un-normal! Change your pose and posture, add a smile, put on some makeup, shave… yeah.
Changing your appearance is such an underappreciated thing to do. Because it really does fool people.
But what’s more is…

People recognie you on your “aura”
If you are a nervous and/or catious person, people sense that by becoming a little uncomfortable or nervous themselves.
You are more likely to do something stupid in the company of an impulsive person than with a controlled person.
Now, changing your “aura” isn’t nearly as easy as changing clothes or cutting your hair. but it CAN be done.
It’s easier to change from tough guy to puny little loser than the other way around though. What you need to do is pretend. 
Once you’re the master of illusion, you can go on a rampage living your life to the fullest. 
To really change your aura you can do things you normally wouldn’t. If you’re impulsive, sit down and PLAN a whole day, you’ll probably feel strained and restless, but it’s training and it needs to be done (if you want it, that is)
While if you’re a sort of person who plans everything, do something spontaneous, like just decide to bungee-jump all of a sudden.

Now I will give something away about myself.
While growing up I completely changed the person I was. (You kinda live what you learn, right?) Some year ago I was careful, quiet, held back and very, very kind.
Now I’m a douchebag who shoves his fist up your arse if you say anything disagreeable. I can still be kind if I want to, but to be honest, I think it’s boring to be kind. 
I used to be trampled on because I was so quiet and nice, now none of my “bullies” recognizes me because my “aura” had changed and with it my posture and even facial expressions. 

Give it a try! If you need to hide, cutting your hair is the easiest and still one of the most effiecent ways to do it. And if you change your personality and “aura” you’ll become almost inrecognizable. Because people rely that you will stay the same forever.
By fooling their mind, you can hide in plain sight.

And if you look proffessional doing it. You can also take anything you want.

Like a bike.
Or IKEA furniture.