GutFuck?

Living with a mother who has lived with two dramatic women is cause for a very deep knowledge in “The female trap”. 

Not only does she use it on me and my brother, as a joke, but I have learned to use it as well. 
And I don’t know if I’m proud of it or a tad bit… embarrassed?
Me being a boy, and all my friends staring at me with a raised brow as I put them in the impossible-to-nestle-out-of female trap.

It has however helped me see what people really think sometimes, because when someone is under pressure, they’re more likely to burst out with something not very thought through, and sometimes blatantly honest.

Like that time I cornered my ex after I had made a disgusting meal which he insisted tasted wonderfully. 

After wiping some tears and me laughingly apologizing to him, he said he never knew I could be so horrible. (And then we fucked)

I have decided I am in fact proud of this skill, since it seldom travels from woman to man, I consider it a great gift to be able to nestle myself in to peoples minds and stay there long enough to dig up the truth, or at least something remotely relevant.

The amount of food I’ve eaten this last weeks is enough for… eh… a normal persons daily meals, I guess. But I feel much better. I have no idea how I managed to keep it all down, but I did!

If I keep on like this I’ll be able to gain some weight and get stronger, and perhaps my clothes will finally fit. 

 

I know and knew the area where I live is dangerous, but I was desperate and moved there anyways.
Now I have paid the price for stressing it, and I need to find a new place before this angst and suppressed fear eats me up from inside. 

Bosco starts growling every time he sees a fat man, he’s scared, too.
Moving away in fear isn’t the answer, but I’m doing it anyways, I’m tired of this town and I’m tired of the area. 

I’m out of here. 

So f*cking angry, I talked to the kindergarten teachers about the kids running to the fence and barking at the dog, said they shouldn’t do that. The response? “Well, they need to be able to do whatever they want within the fenced area, so maybe you should just take a different route” Well, yes, I could do that. But shouldn’t you teach those pesky little pests that they need to respect dogs? Their voices aren’t exactly shielded within a freaking dome area around the kindergarten, I told her that “Well, I could take a different route, but you still need to talk to the kids about not shaking the fence and screaming at the dog, he gets scared” She looks at me as if I’m a complete idiot and shakes her head. “We have tried, but well, kids will be kids” 

Kids will be kids? You know what I wanted to reply to that? “Well apparently “kids” have affected you since you’ve become a childish idiot as well, good day”

I would have done it if another kindergarten teacher didn’t come up and ask what it was about, I just snorted and walked away. I’m not giving up on this though, I should be able to go wherever I want with my dog without having to be cautious about children running up to him screaming. What if they HADN’T been in the area? What if there was no fence? They would get bitten. Teach those idiots some common fucking sense, and while you’re at it, you should really think about what has become of your life, and get some help, because obviously you’re not healthy. There, problem solved.

On our way to leave for a trip, mom and I stood packing the car with a few things we’d need. When a car parks next to us on the parking lot and two sleazy looking old men stepped out. One of them kept staring at me, and mom and I began to get uncomfortable, with slow steps he then got his way up to me, leaned forward a little and almost in a seductive tone said: “Are you perhaps… a bit… interested, in what I have in my bag?” (With emphasis on “interested”) He asked and pat on his shoulder bag, his smile sent chills to my core and I thought he was going to pull up a dead infant until I realized it was a Jehovah’s witness handing out “The Watchtower” 

Mom and I have been laughing at it the entire day…

It didn’t make the situation better that the guy looked like a mix between Santa and a child molester.

I’m tired of people complaining about the post limit here on tumblr. Sure, might be annoying, but do you know how expensive bandwidth is? If not, then let me tell you. It’s FREAKING EXPENSIVE.
Sure, tumblr guys might be rich as fuck, but getting new servers and storage and increasing bandwidth for millions of users would probably cut that fortune in half. Everyone needs to make cutbacks.
Every post takes space, if you hadn’t figured that out yet. I think this post limit (that I have never managed to get up to) is completely reasonable and logical.
Every time you link something from tumblr, reblog, link from another site TO tumblr, it costs bandwidth. And you’re not the only one doing it, there are hundreds of thousands of other people doing it on the same time. I don’t think you can imagine the cost that brings.
Have you ever tried running your own website?
I have one on webs.com, because… well… it’s the cheapest page that is easy to handle. I can’t remember the exact cost, but it’s expensive. And you have a limited bandwidth that you can use. If that is used up by visitors to your site, then you’re pretty much screwed.
So think about that before you complain.

I can understand that you do it, but try to get some information before you go all grumpy lumpy on the creator and people working with this site, or any other site for that matter. 

This is from my own experience, feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.  

Pissed and sad, time to watch porn and drink a beer.

How to hide in plain sight (And steal things right under 
peoples nose)

Alright, so we know stealing is wrong, but hiding isn’t. And if you’re good at hiding, you’re probably good at stealing things, too.
Here’s how to do both.
On my way home one day I saw three confident -hobos- men dressed in jumpsuits from a city cleaner corporation. They were casually sawing off bike locks from a few bikes. Now here in town we trust each other… most of people trust one another… So what went through everyone’s minds were probably “Oh, they’re finally removing those old bikes someone left there years ago”. Because that’s how stupid they are and how faithful in their surroundings they’ve become while living in a clean dumpster.
Well, everything went on just fine for the three -hobos- men UNTIL!

UNTIL!

The owner of one of the bikes came rushing out screaming to them in a language I can only call “Idiocy”. (Because that’s what we speak here) That’s when people started realizing that the men were NOT workers with the city cleaning department, but actually thieves who had gotten hold of a saw and some confidence.
That’s all you need!
As long as you look professional, you can take EVERYTHING you would want. A splendid example is this guy who apparently “Worked” at the Bristol Zoo parking lot taking parking fees from unsuspecting visitors. Now, the Zoo was all with it since public parking lots do require a parking attendant like this… just go read the story, I’m not explaining more.
So anyways, this guy was as brilliant as the three -hobos- men who stole bikes in plain sight. What smarter thing is there to do, really? As long as you have the confidence and look proffessional, you can do whatever you want.
And I mean it. 

I could go in to IKEA with the typical IKEA clothes and people wouldn’t be the wiser that I’m actually just a thief. So there I could go “Clearing the storage”. And since IKEA warehouses are huge the personnell often work in groups, so the workers wouldn’t think much of it either. So there I am, knowing that I’m not stealing, just lightening their hands up a bit, and I can go on my merry way in life without anyone suspecting anything.

Unless the mannager comes.

Then I’d be in trouble.

Another way to hide in plain sight is to simply not look suspicious. If you’ve done something criminal and you’re on a wanted list, a very simple thing who fool people is to color and/or cut your hair. Why does this work? There are several reasons.
Depending on where in the world you are, people look at different parts of you to recognize you. In Asia, apparently they stare at your nose, while in the western world they look at your eyes, but what we all have in common is that we judge your hair. I had ridiculously long, blonde hair once. I cut half of it off and colored it black, NO one… I mean NO ONE recognized me until I told them it was ME. 
Why is it like this? Well, first reason is that human kind is an awfully judgmental race. The other is that if you are metro sexist, hair is one of the most important things to lay your eyes on, if a person can’t take care of their hair, then they’re nothing to have, right? That IS how most people think, no matter you want to realize it or not, a good hairstyle is almost vital for the partner selection.
It’s like with how well groomed birds are. Birds tend to chose the loudest and most well groomed partner since that shows they can take care of themselves. Cats and even deer do the same.
The bigger and more complex a deer’s horn are, the more attractive. (And on a side note knowing that, SIZE MATTERS)
Now that you’ve got a new hairstyle and perhaps a new hair color, it’s time for something radical.
If you want to be sure you’re hiding in plain sight. Just look as normal as possible.
Not too normal though, because that becomes un-normal! Change your pose and posture, add a smile, put on some makeup, shave… yeah.
Changing your appearance is such an underappreciated thing to do. Because it really does fool people.
But what’s more is…

People recognie you on your “aura”
If you are a nervous and/or catious person, people sense that by becoming a little uncomfortable or nervous themselves.
You are more likely to do something stupid in the company of an impulsive person than with a controlled person.
Now, changing your “aura” isn’t nearly as easy as changing clothes or cutting your hair. but it CAN be done.
It’s easier to change from tough guy to puny little loser than the other way around though. What you need to do is pretend. 
Once you’re the master of illusion, you can go on a rampage living your life to the fullest. 
To really change your aura you can do things you normally wouldn’t. If you’re impulsive, sit down and PLAN a whole day, you’ll probably feel strained and restless, but it’s training and it needs to be done (if you want it, that is)
While if you’re a sort of person who plans everything, do something spontaneous, like just decide to bungee-jump all of a sudden.

Now I will give something away about myself.
While growing up I completely changed the person I was. (You kinda live what you learn, right?) Some year ago I was careful, quiet, held back and very, very kind.
Now I’m a douchebag who shoves his fist up your arse if you say anything disagreeable. I can still be kind if I want to, but to be honest, I think it’s boring to be kind. 
I used to be trampled on because I was so quiet and nice, now none of my “bullies” recognizes me because my “aura” had changed and with it my posture and even facial expressions. 

Give it a try! If you need to hide, cutting your hair is the easiest and still one of the most effiecent ways to do it. And if you change your personality and “aura” you’ll become almost inrecognizable. Because people rely that you will stay the same forever.
By fooling their mind, you can hide in plain sight.

And if you look proffessional doing it. You can also take anything you want.

Like a bike.
Or IKEA furniture.