GutFuck?

Mom’s stealth and “hiding things” skills are equal to those of an elephant in a shopping mall. At first you think maybe it’s supposed to be there and you think no more of it, then you realize it’s trying to hide and you get really confused and wonder where it came from… Anyways, thats how I discovered my birthday gift…

If you study or work, you’re probably VERY tired at the afternoon when you get home.

I have the cure.
It’s a strong coffee shot that takes about three-four minutes to make, but will keep you awake until… midnight or something… completely depending on how and when you make it, here’s how I do it:

Half the glass/cup of milk, heat it up in the microwave.
One pinch of chocolate powder.
4 tea spoons of quick coffee. (To 2 dl of liquid - I use this because I don’t have a coffee brewer, but if you do, make sure the dosage is twice as strong as you usually take it)
1 tablespoon of Amarula (Baileys also work) liqueur.
1 tablespoon of whiskey (I use Famous grouse since it’s mild but still smoky.)
Mix it all and finally fill up the cup with freshly boiled water.

If you want to, you can also foam milk to have on top, it’s important to heat it up first, or you’ll just get… nothing. You can also pour cream in if you want to.
This particular one I have done as stated above and added foamed milk and sprinkled cinnamon over. 

You’ll wake up, guaranteed. 

You can of course make an alcohol free version, but then I suggest adding more coffee and two more pinches of chocolate powder. If you feel luxurious, you can add chocolate chips or some plain chocolate instead.

So f*cking angry, I talked to the kindergarten teachers about the kids running to the fence and barking at the dog, said they shouldn’t do that. The response? “Well, they need to be able to do whatever they want within the fenced area, so maybe you should just take a different route” Well, yes, I could do that. But shouldn’t you teach those pesky little pests that they need to respect dogs? Their voices aren’t exactly shielded within a freaking dome area around the kindergarten, I told her that “Well, I could take a different route, but you still need to talk to the kids about not shaking the fence and screaming at the dog, he gets scared” She looks at me as if I’m a complete idiot and shakes her head. “We have tried, but well, kids will be kids” 

Kids will be kids? You know what I wanted to reply to that? “Well apparently “kids” have affected you since you’ve become a childish idiot as well, good day”

I would have done it if another kindergarten teacher didn’t come up and ask what it was about, I just snorted and walked away. I’m not giving up on this though, I should be able to go wherever I want with my dog without having to be cautious about children running up to him screaming. What if they HADN’T been in the area? What if there was no fence? They would get bitten. Teach those idiots some common fucking sense, and while you’re at it, you should really think about what has become of your life, and get some help, because obviously you’re not healthy. There, problem solved.

Anyone care to cheer me up? 

Then please draw a dead stickman with the classic crossed out eyes and a knife in his dick and chest with lots of blood, and write “Your brother” with an arrow pointing at the stickman’s head. Then, if you can, paint another one standing beside the dead one laughing.

That would cheer me up.

I always use to think it’s the little things that makes the days worth while. And I remember one of those days very well.
I was very down and depressed, and somehow my friends had managed to take me out to town, trying to cheer me up.

We ended up at a cafe right by the canal and I ordered an Irish Latte, the barista saw that I was sulking and that I didn’t look so good. It took a while for the latte to be done, because she was doing something extra. A little smiley face.

She was new there and probably hadn’t poured many cups of coffee in her career, yet she took her time to cheer me up with this simple act.
Needless to say, I was cheered up, not thanks to my friends. But thanks to that barista that just happened to be a little more perceptive than others. 

There’s no problem that can’t be solved by the proper application of explosives:
Want a divorce? Blow your partner up!
Can’t open a coconut? Blow it up!
Want to tear down a building? Blow it up!
Depressed? Blow something up! Because things that go BOOM are FUN FUN FUN!
Want someone dead? NUKE THEM! AND THEIR HOME TOWN, AND EVERYONE THEY LOVE. (Unless they love you, then just blow them up).
Want to win a war? Nuke the SHIT out of your enemies!
Want to win a game of rock, paper, scissors? DO THE BOMB!
Drop the F bomb in public? Make it an A bomb!
Lost a fight? Blow EVERYONE up!
Can’t open a door? Blow it up!
The car stopped working? Blow it up!
Your baby screaming? Blow it u… No… don’t do that. Just softly rock it in your arms and sing a lullaby, that use to calm babies down, maybe it wants food, if so, feed it.